What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 28.06.2025 09:49
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I never cut or harmed myself..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
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As i do to all so called friends.?
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
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One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
All the time i was locked up.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Ive learnt so much.
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I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I was 9 years of age.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Who then, do I blame.?
He resisted the act ,that day.
We all went to grammer schools
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Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
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She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Especially a lifetime of it.
So, i spoilt her more .
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But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Why are people with Asperger syndrome unenthusiastic?
One cannot live in the past .
I write beautiful poetry .
Put me off passion for life!!
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Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
She found it foreign!.
Do you have pics of the wife making out with another guy?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I couldn’t, believe it.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
This is soul school!.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
It was going to be , some day.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Im still living with it.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
My family never makes their pension either.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I waited trembling.
I said to her
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
She loved him until the end.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I was scared of men, in general
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But, we were locked up after school.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Was to survive, this bastard.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I think the readers, may guess!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She wouldn,t have been !
But it wasn’t much.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But ive been too sick for many years..
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
(And it was in our own minds.)
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I was seconnd youngest,
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
She was in good health!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I have no regrets .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
And i lived it daily.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Would this be the day?
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I will be 64.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
What did i know ?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I don,t even have a pension.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
We were not on the streets..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
My life is so biszare .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
When she asked me how she looked .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
She married twice! .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Comes on , in middle age.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
He knew the spot.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I was very sick at this time too.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
So whats the point in blame.
Why did i forgive my father ?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .